Autism Sucks!

One night I was sitting at my computer, utterly exhausted and crying. It had been a long day with autism at our house. She was finally asleep, and I was doing what a lot of us do, frantically searching the Internet for anything that would shed some light on what on earth we were supposed to do to help this child. Grasping at straws. After a few hours of turning up nothing, I typed Autism sucks into the search engine and hit enter. The only thing to come up was a simple white page with a few paragraphs. It said something like:

“Yes, autism sucks. Some days are really hard, and you wish you were all dead, but other days are happy- your kid learns to tie their shoes, or use the bathroom, and you have a triumph. Good days will happen, treasure them.”

This page was not connected to anything else, it was a stand alone page. Even though I don’t remember exactly what it said, it was a beacon of hope to me that night, when we were passing through very dark days. I have never been able to find it again- it was like a special message just for me on the night when I really needed it. Whoever put that out there- thank you so much for hope. If you are a person who has typed autism sucks into the search engine I hope I can send you the same message. All is not lost, you will look back and see the successes and be amazed at the difference your perseverance has had for your child. Try to remember how much courage it takes for your child to do the smallest things. I have really been inspired by my daughter’s courage. When she went to kindergarten, she used to come home and lay on the floor, and cry and say Mommy, how can you send me there every day? I hate school! Now, she steels herself and plunges into a noisy, scary Junior high every day. Teachers and students do not understand her, and many are cruel, but she is brave and goes anyway. And she is successful. Her grades are high, and she has a group of kids who she sits with at lunch. She successfully invited a friend over, all by herself. For us, it doesn’t get much better than that!

Our little girl has Asperger’s, so she is higher functioning than some, but there was a time when she spent most of her life on the ground, screaming bloody murder. This week, she placed second in the county Spelling Bee, and tenth at the regional bee. She did this all by herself. She only forgot which way to go on the stage once, which was not that big of a deal, and she self corrected it during the next round. Will she be able to go to college? Will she be able to live on her own? I’m not sure. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, we are going to keep buffing up her shiny trophy and move on to her next big accomplishment.

Don’t give up. Never, never give up. It will be worth it.

5 comments

  • Hi,
    yep ,autism can suck!
    I have a 21 year old daughter who is on the spectrum and she is doing an art degree(when she can get out of bed in the morning!). She has her own flat a few miles away but still seems to spend most of her time cluttering up my house with all her paints and stuff……what can I say? Typical child!
    I also have a 15 year old on the spectrum(who also wants to do an art degree and own and run her own shop) and a 6 year old who is profoundly autistic so my life is any thing but quiet.
    After an exhausting night, with the six year old awake a few times and the older ones wandering the house whilst painting, watching the TV or using the computer………Yes I think autism sucks too!
    Then I get a bit more sleep and life seems rosier again.
    I think catching up on sleep is definitely a permanent number one on my to-do list!
    Best wishes
    Allyson

  • ozma

    God bless you, Allyson. I know I’m a bit of a drama queen, but you sound like a very brave person to me. Thank you- my daughter being able to have her own place, even a just a few miles, away sounds impossible at this point, so I will keep that image fixed in my mind.

  • Hi, I really think your information about Autism was informative. Keep up the great work! Contact me Anytime: Kim Yamamoto, Arizona Advocates 623-252-1669

  • there is still no permament solution for autism. we just have to take good care of the kids who are suffering autism.~~*

  • i have a brother that is autistic and we love him so much and gave all of our support on him ”.

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